Wednesday, August 24, 2005
  Plant Some Bushes In Iraq
Dear Mr. President,

Mr. President - or why don't I just call you George? Everybody knows you're just a good ole boy. OK, now here's the thing Georgie-Boy; since we can't get our men and women in Iraq decent armor AND since they are fighting for such a noble cause, here's what I was thinking:

Iraq is a pretty desolate place; not many trees or plants. So, you know, when the shootin' starts, there just ain't nothing to hide behind. So what we need over there, since we can't get our people armor, is some Bushes to hide behind.

I thought we could start out by sending the twin Bushes. You know, your daughters, Jenna and Barbara. I'm sure both of them would love a chance to serve their country for such a noble cause. Sure, they might get an arm or a leg blown off, but hey, they'll be able to take advantage of that great Veteran's Medical System you helped run more efficiently by cutting their funding. And if they get killed, it might hurt for a little while but it'll be OK because you'll know they died for a really noble cause.

Of course, two Bushes won't be nearly enough. Don't forget about your brother Jeb's kids. I'm sure the Governor of Florida's military age kids George P. Bush, Noelle Bush and John Ellis Bush Jr. would all be just tickled pink (no double meaning intended there, he he ...) to get over to Iraq and knock off a few them Insurgents for a ... ah ... you know ... one of them noble cause thingies.

Then, let's not forget Neil Bush's little darlings Lauren Bush and Pierce Bush. They're both military age and I just bet they'd look mighty nice in Marine uniforms with those fancy red strips down the sides of the legs. I can see 'em both now ridin' in one of them Humvees, sharp-eyed, on the lookout for one them there IED's (Improvised Explosive Device.) Hopefully they would have been able to get enough scrap metal out of the Baghdad garbage dump to armor the bottoms and sides where another good ole boy skimped just a little bit to squeeze up that profit margin. Tell Neil there's nothing to worry about. The odd's that they'll actually get hit by one of those IED's is not very high. Even if they do, they're tough kids. They just might live long enough to be medivac'd to Germany. And, if the worse happens, well, it was for a noble cause.

And the noble cause could still be served. To replace them, there's your nephew Marshall Bush, son of Marvin Bush. Let's not forget Dorothy Bush Koch's military age children Samuel LeBlond and Ellie LeBlond.

You know your kin better than I do Georgie-boy. What do ya think? They're not gonna mind giving up they're kids for a really, really noble cause like the one we have over there in Iraq are they?

If you think about it, that's a lot of Bushes. What amazes me is that them little whippersnappers aren't already over there showing us lesser folk how its done - just like their dad's did in the Viet Nam war. You older generation just gotta quit hoggin' all that glory from your noble service in Viet Nam and let them young 'uns go. To help nudge ya'll in the right direction, Buzzflash has started a little petition.

I've already signed it (its for a noble cause after all) and I hope everybody else who wants to see some Bushes in Iraq, hop on over to Buzzflash and sign this petition. Send some Bushes to Iraq so our soldiers will have something duck behind when the shootin' starts.
I agree, that those who wish to start fires somewhere should provide plenty of fuel.

I have gone and signed that petition.
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Samizdat: an underground system for the circulation of forbidden works of literature and political criticism in the Soviet era of Russia.

Location: Arkansas, United States

Angry, angry, angry ... but still, any day above ground is a good day.